Today I’m just rambling on so I can move on. We all know time flies when you’re having fun at any point in life. As we grow older and wiser we realize the passage of time just sweeps you right along, and how the next Christmas will be here seemingly before you’ve dropped your new year’s resolutions, while to the child, the next Christmas seems so far away.

For me the sense of passage of time has been altered since being diagnosed with a terminal illness. With ALS you know there’s a good chance you can count your years living on one hand. A couple of years ago I just superficially didn’t want to be a year older. I didn’t want to get old, feel old, and God forbid, look old. When I reached that pivotal point in life of seeing the signs of age, the first little sign of a dreaded wrinkle on my face, any little cute freckle was now considered an age spot and the skin started losing that natural fresh look, I hit the web for the best anti-aging products out there. Money wasn’t something I had to throw at aging so I spent hours researching DIY treatments. I started using prescription Retin-A religiously because it was scientifically proven to build new collagen and elastin in your dermis. It takes a year to reach full affect and I did it, and continued. It actually did pay off, but I spent more days with burning peeling skin that wasn’t attractive or comfortable just to rid my self of that little beginning of a wrinkle and some skin discoloration.

At the end of the day and after going through all the skin rituals I had with oil concoctions, ferulic acid, everything kept in right light and right temperature. I felt pretty good about what I had accomplished. I did have skin that looked good for my age. I will say again, for my age. I was still aging, there is no going back to 22. There just isn’t. People that spend money on quick fix surgical procedures usually look older even though their skin is smooth with absolutely no discoloration or hint of a line. They usually seem older because of it being so obvious work has been done. Aging is natural and humans intuitively see it. Unless you die, you will age.

I have stopped all of it now. I simply try to be kind to my skin. When I think back to how time consuming all that was, I just think what a waste. Having said all this I think it’s normal and healthy to want to look your best. I would just advise a much simpler regimen starting at a much younger age. Avoid things that you also avoid for health reasons. Always wear sunscreen, don’t drink in excess, and don’t smoke. Be kind to your skin by finding what works for your skin type best at an early age and add it to a simple skin care routine. Then come to terms with aging. I know, easier said than done for some people, like me before ALS, but you can’t stop it and you are missing out on life by obsessing over it.

At 40 you may see yourself as looking very old in a picture. Just wait until you turn 50. You’ll look at the same picture and think how young you look in it. It’s all in perspective. No matter how great your skin looks at 40, to a 20 year old, you still look much older to them. That’s because you are.

Now that I know my years are numbered, I certainly see aging from a new perspective. I would take a face of wrinkles and a flabby body over a death sentence any day now. I know I won’t be swinging on the proverbial porch swing in 30 years with my husband. I won’t see my Grandchildren grow up. I won’t do or see a lot of things I just took for granted that would be before my diagnosis.

Now I’m 41 and I regret that way of thinking. It stings. I doubt I’ll change anybody else’s way of seeing aging, It would be nice to think so but this was just a letting out of my most recent thoughts, regrets. I try not to stay caught up in them, I have a shortened future to focus on. Usually when I let a ramble out in writing a post it helps me move on. I feel I already have.

I’m still a woman and even though how I look has been moved very far back on my priority list, I still find myself some days upset at how drastically my looks have changed. I’m still alive and I want to look and feel like it. By this time next year, I’m sure my perspective will have changed much more.

Anti-aging is a multi-billion dollar industry for a reason. We all want to look our best. My advice is good. It’s what I wrote above. Start young, keep it simple and put enjoying life first and you’ll be much happier for it. That’s the morale of this ramble. Thanks for sticking it out.

To learn more about me and view my image gallery please visit my website,

Until next time, take care,



  1. Laura Hopkins says:

    Hi April, I just found your blog while googling ALS for the 500th time in the last 4 years. I am 42 and my 45 year old husband was diagnosed January 2010. I loved this post!! I’ve been saying this for YEARS! When people whine to me about aging I say, “well, you do have an alternative. You can slit your wrists and end it all now.” I obviously have a twisted sense of humor, but that’s what living with ALS has taught me. I embrace all my aches and pains and creaky joints and new wrinkles and spots because I think about ALL the people who didn’t live long enough to experience this. I do it for them! I wish you and Tony and your family ease and peace. Love and light to you – Laura

    • aprilals says:

      Thank you Laura, ALS does put everything in perspective. I struggle with it still though. ALS has affected my face muscles and I miss smiling so easily. I can live with less than perfect skin tone, even painful muscles cramps, if I can just be with my family longer.

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